Walking Along Singing A Song

Flowers in January

2012-01-26T06:27:00.003-06:00

Changes in weather

brings smiles to my heart

fluttering like a newborn pup

Changes in weather

keep secrets in my pocket

spare change

pennies to be counted

Changes in weather

it is all Mother Nature

nourishing growth

in more ways than one

Changes in weather

freeing all to be

and find

love

Pretense

2012-01-22T06:28:00.002-06:00

I pretended we were lovers

the magic in the sky

held me to lies

I pretended we were lovers

a one night stand

became forever

friends

I pretended we were lovers

the touch

melting in my skin

I pretended we were lovers

reality slipped aside

I pretended life was real

playing my part

became a skill

Waking up to find

I pretended

Where does that leave my soul

Where does that leave today

Pretending we were lovers

Tears sliding down my cheeks

knowing

it was real

Infinity

2012-01-15T17:55:00.003-06:00

18" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas

"I think that the leaf of a tree, the meanest insect on which we trample, are in themselves arguments more conclusive than any which can be adduced that some vast intellect animates Infinity."

~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

Landscape Dreams

2012-01-14T11:19:00.004-06:00

18" x 24" Acrylic with Glitz on Canvas

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only by night."

~Edgar Allan Poe

Felt With The Heart

2012-01-01T13:35:00.003-06:00

24" x 18"

Acrylic on Canvas with Glitter

The paint moved me

the expressions soothed me

gliding like an eagle

over a surface

untouched

If not felt with the heart

it is not felt at all

If not touched by the heart

it is not touched at all

Love

moves

soothes

glitters

painting

an awesome

nature

Flowers

2011-12-31T19:44:00.003-06:00

My daughter's boyfriend brought me flowers for my birthday

I adore flowers

the sexuality of a flower

It reminds me of our human organs

Sex

in a flower

blosssoming

dying

being reborn

It is New Year's Eve

a night of the flower

May soulmates meet

may soulmates greet

the night of the flower

The canvas

a life of love

staring at me

to become

Flowers

what a magical power

let it become

Mother, Sinner, Saint

2011-12-20T20:20:00.004-06:00

Mother, sinner, saint holds so true

to be a mother, a sinner, and a saint

times are

what they are

with this mother

it is a fight

to the bitter end

No, mom's not going to retirement home

is this the theme of a new song

only the love, the life of the same old song

mom's not going to retirement home

Experiencing the love the life of my newborn son

he is so great so magnificent

2 more yet to come

My kids

they are mine you know

with or without me

they are mine

Life, circumstances

we are behold

They are mine

you know

To enjoy

the converses

of a mom and her son

they are so much fun

To see

life exerperiences

and how they become

They are mine

the life of a single mom

Am so proud of each and every one

the life of a single mom

Each soooo different

depending on the life of the single mom

Their love is so great

so magnificent

sooooo unheading

not dependent on the life of the single mom

Each and every one

so full of love, and joy and happiness

Sooo happy

to be the mother

of the single one

What can I say

I love my kids

and more

I love them in spite of

the life of the single mom

Seasons

2011-12-14T19:28:00.002-06:00

It was 70 today.

Middle of December.

Seasons changing.

So am I.

Winter is coming.

What's no longer needed

dies.

Relationships.

Friendships.

Nature takes the ride.

Unpredicted.

All anew.

What once was.

Is totally in review.

Kneeling with nature.

Heaven above.

What's left is earthbound.

Prejudices judged.

Not in my world.

I see yet not accept.

Love is all.

Nature is good.

The phrase comes to me...

there is nothing to hold onto

in the spiritual world.

So true. So hard. So factful.

So experienced.

Is there a spiritual in a natural world?

Hmmmm.

I only know what I feel.

A spiritual being

being in a natural world.

What are the secrets?

What are the mysteries?

Experience.

Only one can learn.

History beyond

history withholds

history changes

so with the bold.

A wonderous life

is much to behold

Magic in the moon

no longer bestoys.

The stars, the moon, the sun follows me

I do not obey

to a weatherstorm loom.

My heart so full of love

let live and live

just for today.

Harmony

2011-12-11T17:17:00.003-06:00

In Love With The Possible

"When you have the profound awakening that you are part of a cosmic process that's going somewhere, you find yourself falling more deeply in love with what's possible than you are with what has already happened. And this shift inevitably challenges almost all of your values and beliefs, including your ideas about what it means to love another person. What are the conscious and unconscious values that inform your relationships with other people? Are those relationships primarily based on the past—on shared personal history and outdated cultural ideals? Or are they evolutionarily inspired, informed by the understanding that we're part of a process that's ever-aspiring to go somewhere new? Are your relationships alive with the evolutionary impulse, with a shared love for what's possible? Once we awaken to them, these future-oriented spiritual values are going to impact, in the most profound way, every notion we have of what life is supposed to look like."

—Andrew Cohen

Wishes

2011-12-10T18:12:00.003-06:00

"Be careful what you wish for...you might just get it."....was said to me a long time ago. Very true. I have searched for "God" for a very long time. My mother prays all the time. She has been very ill lately. My family thinks it is all in her mind. She is 83 years old. A very loving creature. She is in the beginning of what the doctors say is "dementia". Beside all points made, she suffers. I just love her. I don't know what else to do.

Anyway, as I said, I have searched for this being named "God". Wonders of wonder. Perhaps some people feel the need to believe in a wonderful being named "God". I believe in love. As the saying goes, "love conquers all". I also believe in hate. To hate what is wrong. Government being at the top of the list.

What makes me happy??? To wake up every morning with a knowing that my heart is in the right place. I have hurt no one. Back to wishes...make them count. The world is full of suffering but it is also full of love. Kindness makes the biggest difference. So much easier than being mean.

Happy Dance

2011-12-05T05:47:00.002-06:00

Blast From My Past

2011-11-30T20:03:00.002-06:00

Blast from my past

does not last

Blast from my past

there is a story to be told

The story is not nice

it entails things

one does not want to repeat

Blast from my past

is gone

at last

Splashes of Color

2011-11-21T08:08:00.001-06:00

Patterns

2011-11-18T08:25:00.001-06:00

Sweet Healing of Love

2011-11-09T19:45:00.001-06:00

I moved to Nashville with my husband in 1985 because he got a job working with Gary Morris. In December, 1985, I gave birth to our son, Anthony. At the time, Faith Hill was Gary's secretary. Gary performed with his son, Matt, a couple years later at Opryland Theme Park. Faith was there and walked around the park with me and my son Anthony in his stroller.

Am watching the CMA awards and Faith just performed. What a great memory for my son! Even though he was too young to remember, yet, I did and shared with my son. His response, "awesome"!

Forgiveness

2011-11-06T13:07:00.000-06:00

Saying No

2011-11-04T19:56:00.001-05:00

October 31, 2011

2011-11-01T17:59:00.001-05:00

To lie

skin to skin

nakedness to nakedness

to reach for comfort

to only find coldness

where does a soul go

Rejection upon rejection

leaves one cold

cold

to the bitter night

A piece of paper

bonds one to another

where does one go

Imagination upon imagination

bearing the coldness

creating a theme unknown

Law is law

married by law

what does the law say about coldness

There is no protection

only violation

of a soul

wasted upon

where there should lie

beauty among all

This is my place

This is my dwelling

loves lives here

where there once was coldness

Open up

feel the warmth

of my love

upon your soul

Pretentions arise

by only the mind

you are not weak

yet strong

Whatever path arise

take your soul

healed in mind

seek love

for all to behold

Night Sky - Steamboat Springs

2011-10-30T08:08:00.003-05:00

You mingle, jingle, wade against all odds

the past, the present, the future

which comes into play

Is your destiny

in your hands

do you accept all that comes your way?

I see life as history

as yesterday

as today

making choices

you know what happened then

so change the outcome

to a better way

Love

love is so sweet

love is divine

it lives within

No physicality

yet

very physical

in a human way

50 plus

cannot believe my eyes

only yesterday

was a bittersweet of 20 something

yet miserable finding my way

Age

Age is pure

wisdom added

still as a child

the love within

only wants to shine

No more heartbreak

no more

period

life

expanded

joy

love

past ugliness

seeing what's real

it all comes from within

my heart is pure

my love is pure

nature rules

sometimes in a harsh way

yet in the end

it was only the beginning

of a powerful journey

There is no beginning

there is no end

my love

always

spent

no matter what

it was worth the trip

Steamboat Springs, CO

2011-10-27T15:02:00.003-05:00

The beauty of a glorious mountain.
Feel the presence.
Feel the essence.
She breathes.

From Trash to Beauty to Bloody Mess

2011-10-24T11:42:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning, I spent in the emergency room. I had slipped on a rug and fallen and hit my head on a step trimmed in metal. From trash to beauty to a bloody mess. I now have 3 staples in my head. The scene itself looked like a crime scene. So much blood comes from head injuries. I am thankful to be alive. I did not realize I was bleeding after falling and went back to bed only to wake up again in a bloody mess. My daughter spent the day taking care of me and washing bedsheets. Her boyfriend scrubbed the carpet, floor, walls, and door. Two bloody handprints would not come off the carpet of where I had crawled to the phone to call for help. This month has been extremely difficult for me in more ways than one. Yet, I am so thankful for my friends and family who are always there for me, in more ways than one. 24 hours of rest and I should have my strength back. Oh, and hopefully, have all the blood out of my hair.

After picking up 8 miles worth of trash along the roadway, I came home to paint my world full of beauty. It is terrible how people will throw out their trash along the roadway. Sickens me.

Jackson Browne: For A Dancer

2011-10-20T09:05:00.002-05:00

Keep a fire burning in your eye
Pay attention to the open sky
You never know what will be coming down
I don't remember losing track of you
You were always dancing in and out of view
I must have thought you'd always be around
Always keeping things real by playing the clown
Now you're nowhere to be found

I don't know what happens when people die
Can't seem to grasp it as hard as I try
It's like a song I can hear playing right in my ear
That I can't sing
I can't help listening
And I can't help feeling stupid standing 'round
Crying as they ease you down
'cause I know that you'd rather we were dancing
Dancing our sorrow away
(right on dancing)
No matter what fate chooses to play
(there's nothing you can do about it anyway)

Just do the steps that you've been shown
By everyone you've ever known
Until the dance becomes your very own
No matter how close to yours
Another's steps have grown
In the end there is one dance you'll do alone

Keep a fire for the human race
Let your prayers go drifting into space
You never know what will be coming down
Perhaps a better world is drawing near
And just as easily it could all disappear
Along with whatever meaning you might have found
Don't let the uncertainty turn you around
(the world keeps turning around and around)
Go on and make a joyful sound

Into a dancer you have grown
From a seed somebody else has thrown
Go on ahead and throw some seeds of your own
And somewhere between the time you arrive
And the time you go
May lie a reason you were alive
But you'll never know

Interesting...

2011-10-19T18:35:00.002-05:00

Interestingly, this is the image I saw this past weekend as I laid in my cell in prison. My cell mate had been there for 15 months. She was getting ready to be shipped off to the state pentitinuary for 15 years - no parole. She is the mother of a 2 year old arrested on drug charges. 34 years old. I had the bottom bunk. She was on top. The 1st night I was there, I could not sleep. I laid on the single cot, no pillow, dazing. The only window was beside her upper bunk. The moonlight shined. On the wall in front of me, this is what I saw. The 2nd night I was there, we were awakened at 4:30 a.m. for breakfast. When she finished eating, she sat and knelt in prayer in front of her bible. I laid on my cot, trying to focus on anything except what was. She then began reading the bible outloud. I got up, tried to open the locked door, anywhere, anyway to escape what was happening. She still read outloud. Why was her reading the bible upsettling me. Because, long ago, I learned the bible was written by man, man's translation from what he was experiencing then. The bible itself can be imprisoning...if one believes. That day, I saw firsthand, man's translation, from what he/she was experiencing at the time.

This whole DUI thing has been very traumatic. Taking my time in writing what I experienced. What I do know is... the world and the laws are messed up. Keep to yourself, focus on what is really important and most of all, learn to love and be loved.

Shame Law

2011-10-14T05:14:00.004-05:00

TN is the only state which has the "shame law". First time DUI offenders are made to pick up litter on public highways, roadways wearing a vest stating "I Am A Drunk Driver". I was given 24 hour community service doing "Litter Pickup". I served my first 8 hours last Saturday along with 19 others. Most of the passerbyers honked their horns giving us "thumbs up" and "peace signs". Others merely took pictures. Whatever, it didn't bother me. I was pleased of the outcome after 5 miles of picking up trash. It is overwhelming how many citizens throw out trash.

I go to jail in a few hours. I have to serve 48 hours. Again, this is mandatory for 1st time offenders. I will be in a DUI class for 16 hours of the time I am incarcerated. The hardest part was telling my mom. I call her every Saturday morning and I knew she would be worried when I didn't call. She has already been concerned with my sister who was diagnosed with breast cancer so I held off as long as I could telling her. My sister had her left breast removed but the good news is ... it didn't spread and she won't have to have chemo. Instead, they will be treating her with hormonal treatment. My precious mom called my friend Donna when I told her I had to go to jail. She wanted to make sure someone was here for me. Donna comforted and assured my mom that she was here for me and I would be ok. My mom says to me, "Holly, you are my daughter and I will always love you, no matter what".

I spent yesterday afternoon being cherished. I have a friend who is a professional photographer. He took numerous shots of me telling me how amazing I am. A touch of love and friendship from a dear friend.

This painting is for my friend Donna who drove me when I had no license. Even when I got a temporary license with a interlock device...a breathalizer...she still called making sure I could drive. This whole DUI crap sucks but in the end, it is friends and family who matters. The love I feel in my heart overwhelms me to no end.

"Shame Law"...I have no shame. It was a joy to pick up the trash and make my community cleaner.

I also want to tell you about my wonderful children. My daughter who picked me up from jail at 3:00 a.m.; and accompanied me to court and held my hand; who took me back to the courthouse numerous times for the numerous tasks which involved my DUI; who took me to get my license back; and who is taking me to jail this morning. My sons, who only love me and support me, no matter what. Looking at the world today and all that's going on, my DUI is really no big deal, except to me and my family and friends. Live and learn...as always.

Cancer or DUI

2011-09-28T20:11:00.003-05:00

Cancer or DUI???? Yes, life is an adventure. Many roads ahead. This blog is going to take awhile. Processing today is moving slowly yet so very fast. I will begin when it begins in the beginning. In the beginning, 7 years ago there was a frantic to "put it down". Now, today, it is more or less in a processing mode. Good thing I think. Life in slow motion??? Yet moving very fast.

Graduated

2011-09-14T18:13:00.003-05:00

My youngest son, Anthony was to graduate this last May with his associate degree, but, he was short a credit and had to attend summer school. Last night, he sent me this photo. Yes, he did graduate!!! So exciting, especially after receiving the news that my sister will be having a mastectomy next Thursday, the same day Anthony will be coming home for a short visit. You never know what life will give you. As my son continues in college, shaping his life; my sister will continue in life, focusing on healing. My love blossoms in both of them. They are both kicking butt!

Magic In The Moon

2011-09-12T20:52:00.003-05:00

Magic in the moon

exists tonight

the beauty

of the shine

outweighing the

dense shadows

of the darkness

There is magic

in the moon

lives for you

lives for me

pain and suffering

compared to death

there is no comparison

Death is

pain and suffering

alive or dead

There is magic in the moon

it exists for all

expectations

some fall short

some

are real

This time

it counts

Magic in the moon

show your beauty

wipe out disease

let it not exist

Enough

pain

and

suffering

have

been

paid

The debt is paid

in full

Let purity win

again

this

time

for

sister

8 Years

2011-09-11T21:24:00.002-05:00

I will not cave

8 years of

"it'll be ok"

you may forgive

but not me

the years of angish

still engulfs me

the nights of holding our children

because you weren't there

will not leave me

the spiritual

the love side

wants to forgive and forget

yet

not this time

I am only human

you weren't there

you mother fucker

you weren't there

the pain

the angish

the unforgiveable sin

of not being a dad

when you were

fuck you

if you suffer now

i do not care

stop manipulating our children

for the affairs of your divorce

you totally screwed up

caught

I will not bend

you deserve everything you get

to think

I once loved you

will never exist

your charms

will not work on me again

No Answer

2011-09-09T18:52:00.002-05:00

I am learning that sometimes "no answer" is the answer. You search, you wonder, and you plead wanting answers. The answer doesn't come. Then suddenly, you realize "no answer is the answer". Time, once again, to let go, and move on. One might see this as a time of loss. Yet, I find it as a time of discovery. What one might want, or might desire, is just not meant to be. A very wise man, Dan, of course, once said to me, "do not remain in the same system, you become stagnant". Stagtism, I think a word I just made up, is not a fun place to be. Am letting go of false hope, false dreams. Something that never really belonged to me. That saying, "all good things come to those who wait". Fuck it. It doesn't.

Staying Balanced-Silver Lining

2011-09-08T19:10:00.003-05:00

When my oldest son Craig called me late last night to inform me that my sister has cancer, I totally lost it. It took me back to my dad's death and my brother's death. I cried and cried and cried. When I awoke this morning, it was like reliving it all over again. Suddenly, the world was real, my sister has cancer. I called her last night. She did not answer. I called this morning. She did not answer. Finally, her daughter called me this afternoon. My sister cannot deal with my feelings or my mom's feelings right now. Makes total sense. I text her. I told her I love her. She text back. She loves me too. Whatever the future holds, I will be there for her. Struggles with being human and being spiritual. Lots of questions raised. Life is only temporary. Letting go of permanence kinda sucks. Yet, the memories, yes, are priceless.

"American Jobs Act"

2011-09-08T18:44:00.001-05:00

Obama rocks!!!!

Closet Child

2011-09-03T19:17:00.004-05:00

I remember my very first artwork. I think I was about 5 years old. I painted a pumpkin inside my closet wall. Why I hid it in my closet is beyond me. But I do know that my dad's "pet name" for me was "pumpkin". This came to mind because I spent the day cleaning out my daughter's closet. There were many hidden secrets there, yet, I chose not to read them. Her closet is nicely stored now. As are her secrets. I do remember that my mom got very upset with me for painting on the walls! Kinda like the day I cut one side of my hair and hid it and the scissors under my bed, thinking, hmm, no one would notice. Childhood memories! Delightful!

I told my daughter I wanted to paint her room. She firmly responded, "no mom, that room is my art!". Sooo, even though she no longer lives here, her "art" remains.

I think I just upgraded my art from crayons to paint. In actuality, it was crayons, a big orange crayon! Funny how I wanted to make it paint. My first use of paint was, I think, was painting by numbers, of a very beautiful dog who reminded me of my first dog, Bobo. He was a collie. And yes, I also remember my children's artwork starting out with crayons. My first memory of imagination was Barbie and then delightfully adding Ken. Ohh, I created some very loving scenes! Romantic at heart! But, before that, it was sisters, who appeared on the Lawrence Welk show. The Lemon Sisters, cut-outs. To go even further back, Mr. Potato Head! Memories are fun! History even more interesting...

A Memory

2011-08-29T06:04:00.003-05:00

The breath of your kiss upon my lips

the gentleness of your fingers exploring

the scent of you exciting me

the newness entering my being

bringing ecstasy

Days of old

gone

yet not forgotten

Turtle Love

2011-08-25T16:36:00.003-05:00

A co-worker came into my office this morning and said, "Holly, the most amazing thing just happened!" She said she went outside this morning to feed the birds and 50 feet from her door were 2 turtles. She then asked me, "Have you ever seen 2 turtles mating or do you even know how they mate?". I thought about it and realized I'd never thought about it before and asked her how they mate. She was totally in "awe" while talking to me. To continue her story, she said she then went back in her house to find a camera, but it didn't work. When she went back outside, the male turtle was on top of the female with his 2 legs down under some leaves, and he was moving his front legs as though he were swimming and the turtle was humping away.

I guess to respect their privacy, she then went back inside and had her breakfast. When she returned outside, the male turtle was gone. Her and her husband looked everywhere for him. She said to her husband, "where could he be". Her husband replied, "he went off for beer and cigarettes!".

So I looked up on you tube turtles mating. It was quite amazing! The male had his mouth opened and deep down his throat you could see whatever I was seeing ... something like a diamond shape vagina opening and closing as he humped. Again, quite amazing!

The Beach

2011-08-23T06:26:00.004-05:00

I was born in Wilmington, NC - the place they say the hurricane is going to land. The hurricane named "Irene". I've often thought of returning to the beach to live, but, as always, never carry through. Perhaps it is the thoughts of hurricanes visiting. Probably not. It is the thought of too much sand. I like or rather I love visiting the beach but my heart soars more towards the mountains, higher ground.

I wonder as I type these words, who am I typing to. Nobody in particular. Only expressing what my soul encounters. Feeling very lucky to feel all that I do.

My heart glides

like a roller coaster

cruising the facts of life

encountering love

in every facet

holding my ground

with no one around

even the hurricane

won't get me down

trusting truth

without a doubt

living life

being human

hard for some

yet

easy will come

when letting go

with the heart

heart of the matters

as the song goes

Rain Prist

2011-08-17T20:23:00.002-05:00

I watched "Dances With Wolves" this weekend. I had forgotten how much I truly enjoyed this film. Tonight, I am watching a documentary about the filming of this film, which only confirms why I love this film. Native Americans are so real. They touch the core of you. Yes, my great grandmother was Cherokee. Indians are not wild. They are gentle, living from the soul of their being. White men paint them red. Yet, to me, the color "red" is passion. Spirit.

Pink Skies

2011-08-17T06:16:00.004-05:00

Pink skies

morning delight

open eyes

no disguise

I've seen many men

lost

under woman's control

nowhere to go

love lost

feelings tossed

closed mouth

holding it in

open up

let it out

freedom breathing

shed it all

history past

live today

while it lasts

Collide

2011-08-14T21:34:00.002-05:00

Kid Rock - Collide (Feat. Sheryl Crow

Powered by mp3ye.eu

Trusting Love

2011-08-07T14:17:00.002-05:00

12" x 16" Acrylic with ink, glitz on Canvas

Love me enough

to trust me

to be loved

A love so innocent

opens me up

Love me enough

to trust me

to be loved

I trust you

love me enough

Florida Sunset

2011-08-03T18:28:00.002-05:00

My daughter left for Florida last weekend with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mother. This is the pic she sent me last night. Today, she text me saying they had to go to an attorney's office to sign papers so her boyfriend's mother could get her grandfather's fiddle, which her grandfather made, out of her aunt's house. Her boyfriend's mother plays a guitar and sings in a band here in Nashville. Anyway, the next text I received, Beth said they were driving now with the fiddle and Aunt Stonny's ashes in a jelly jar in the trunk. I thought, "what"? She then text me telling me her boyfriend had a very interesting family. I asked her, "where are you taking Aunt Stonny's ashes"? She replied, "I love it! We spread her ashes at her own house, then to a neighbor's house who took very good care of Aunt Stonny, and then the beach. Aunt Stonny is everywhere!" I could only smile.

Different Worlds

2011-07-29T18:04:00.003-05:00

We live in different worlds

I know you in a place

which does not exist in reality

I know you in a place

which you hide

The mistress

of the shadow

you hide

We live in different worlds

why do we connect?

Reality

exists

it is real

yet so is

the other world

The place where we dream

to be

The place of mystery

Balancing seems to be the scheme

the player

the doer

the lover

How does one live

in both worlds?

There are many

not just one

realms of time

stretching

searching

existing

For me

what do I do

I love them all

as if they exist now

Love

Love is always

For some

Yet some

turn bitter

turn cold

Not me

Acceptance

the saying...

change what you can

and the saying goes

Understanding

patience

and love

Easy solution

Easy answer

Easy to love

At times

Luckily for me

I am in a place

where it is easy

love

Man's Best Friend

2011-07-26T06:24:00.004-05:00

Finding myself at 55, with no children in the house has been rather exciting. It appears Betty is my constant companion. All she ever wants from me is love and attention and of course food and water. Easy to give. The freedom, the contentment of life has been amazing. Exploration of life is even more blissful. Yes, that is the correct word "blissful" when one walks with a smile constant. Beautiful inside and out.

Pickles

2011-07-25T06:27:00.003-05:00

I canned a jar of pickles for the first time in my life. A co-worker, actually Tammy, the same person who brings me home made pesto, brought me cucumbers last week. After talking to my mom this weekend and telling her about the cucumbers, she reminded me of my dad's pickles. They were terrible but I never told him that. So I decided to try my own hand at canning pickles. I was supremely surprised! They are absolutely delicious! My very first home made bread and butter pickles!!!

Sunflower

2011-07-24T07:09:00.002-05:00

12" x 16" Acrylic with Glitz on Canvas

The water is still

glistens across the atmosphere

freshness rings

soothing

brilliantly

seeing is feeling

The water is still

the flower rises

colors galore

standing firmly

delicate

pure

We are one

For William

2011-07-19T19:41:00.004-05:00

12" x 16" Acrylic with Ink

Last week when I went to Jerry's to buy canvas and paint, a new guy was working there. We started to talk and shared our paintings. He uses ink. Anyway, when I got ready to leave he asked me to paint him. Paint what I "saw" him to be. This is what I painted. His paintings are somewhat distorted. This painting is actually a painting of Broadway, downtown Nashville. It is fragmented, yet if you remove the fragmentation, you will see the road, the grassy medium, and the buildings surrounding it. This is how I see William. In order to see the "big picture", remove the fragmentation.

Motherhood

2011-07-16T12:03:00.002-05:00

Even though I have a "empty nest" now, my heart still totally connects with my children. Two weeks ago, I met my daughter at the emergency room. She complained of back pain. The ER doctor examined her back and said she had a pinched nerve. He listened to her breathing and said she had asthma. She was given an inhaler and pain pills. A week later, her "asthma" became worse. This time she went to a walk-in clinic. After being x-rayed, she was told she had bronchitis. She was given antibiotics and steroids and cough syrup. Today, she is still ill. It hurts to see her suffer. If I could magically heal her, I definitely would. May my love surround her and help heal her.

Infinity

2011-07-12T11:50:00.003-05:00

My daughter is taking advantage of being 18 - another tatoo. "Infinity Symbol"

Twisted Vines

2011-07-09T20:04:00.003-05:00

In 1993, when I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my now ex-husband began his affair. 18 years later, my ex's wife is accusing him of having a new mistress. That would be me. Twisted vines. Is it sorta like, "what goes around, comes around"? All I know is, I am happy. I just sit back and watch and listen. My life is simple. My life is beautiful. No room for twisted vines. I let them go. They hang and swing, swaying with the wind. If there is one thing missing, it would be the man who lit up my life 8 years ago. The man my ex tried to destroy. The love of my life. The only man who put the shine back in my eyes. He still lives in my heart.

When Love Becomes A Habit

2011-07-07T20:55:00.003-05:00

When love becomes a habit

it is no longer love

it belongs to the expected

expectation love

is a power

not love

When love becomes a habit

it barely exists

only in the morbid minds

of those weakened

When love becomes a habit

take control

let it go

When love becomes a habit

it is not love at all

Find the freedom

of a love

that exists

with no strings

no attachments

It just is

New Beginnings

2011-07-06T21:27:00.004-05:00

My daughter, who turned 18 last Saturday, came by to show me her new tattoo. We got our first tattoo together a couple of years ago. I was threatened for it. After 37 years, I am no longer responsible for a child. Can anyone relate how good that feels? A very welcoming kind of freedom. By the way, the tattoo looks black, in actuality, it is blue, a very sparkling blue.

Another Rabbit...

2011-07-05T21:07:00.003-05:00

"Life without love is no life at all"...

Truth, Beauty, Love

2011-07-03T05:06:00.003-05:00

Moving on, letting go

living a lie

no longer exists

Moving on, letting go

society rules for you

not for me

Moving on, letting go

freedom rings

as the saying goes

Moving on, letting go

seek your energy elsewhere

I am not your power

Moving on, letting go

see the truth

not your shadow

Moving on, letting go

no longer will I join you

I am free

As you know

Moving on, letting go

I wish you well

But it ends here

Moving on, letting go

Clouds & Dolphins

2011-06-20T07:54:00.008-05:00

Three 14" x 18" Acrylic with Glitz on Canvas

She text me the first time thanking me for my warning. Said she had been reading my letters and poems and sobbing all morning. She said I was right. He would never change. What followed was over 100 texts of a life I once lead. Police busting down door. Him being handcuffed and carried off to jail. Order of Protection. 3 months of separation. His profession of changing. Moving back home again ... a changed man. But guess what, he doesn't change. The cycle begins again. She says to me, "you're right...he'll never change". The texting continued throughout the day. Texting of "real life" as he arrived home. Memories of how it use to be. In the end, she got out. Broken yet ready for healing. She has a long road ahead of her. It is a beginning. As for myself, I'm not her, haven't been for 7 years. Abuse is not accepted in my life. Truth, beauty, and love. My life is beautiful. As for her, who is she...my ex's wife. The letters she referred to...were e-mails from Dan...the man who helped me find the truth. Finally, this book is closed.

Liberty

2011-06-14T12:24:00.001-05:00

In the stillness of the night
Where all is quiet
A gentleness overcomes me
I feel you

Naked arms embracing me
I feel you

Sweet breath upon me
All is good
Mother earth smiling
I feel you

Fish Creek Falls

2011-06-06T20:33:00.003-05:00

Anthony flew back to CO yesterday. Today he took this photo and sent to me. 2 months ago, he sent same photo yet it was ice. Nature still amazes me.

Anthony is my gentle son. He protected his sister during the "chaos" of a very difficult marriage and divorce. If I had the words to describe my love for this child, it would be serene. Like the raging waterfall, all is amidst amongst him.

Hardness

2011-06-02T06:39:00.003-05:00

Your hardness carries me

to places only dreamt of

Your hardness inside me

sends me

to imaginary

significance

Your hardness

shelters me

embellishes me

to a place of transcedence

Glory of being

seeing

feeling

emotions topples

to enter

oneness

with great joy

Hardness

weakens me

surrendering to goodness

Hardness

crumbles barriers

explodes with me

within me

we are one

NC Road Trip

2011-05-31T15:01:00.003-05:00

"Light at the end of the tunnel" ~ my mom said, "I always wondered what that looked like". My energy was drained during this trip. Am so glad to be back at home. Perhaps I will blog about it, perhaps not. Still taking it all in. Yet, in some ways, it was very much like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Like a "lightbulb" comes on. You gain perspective. You gain wisdom. You lose what is no longer needed.

Graduation - Brother & Sister

2011-05-24T11:36:00.002-05:00

My World Is Waking Now...

2011-05-15T07:38:00.002-05:00

My world is waking now

where does that leave me?

In a place

In a dream

Where I never meant to be

My world is waking now

where does that leave me?

To stand alone

To weather the season

Sharing moments

Where all was

Yet nothing is

Reality

Feeling brave

feeling strong

feelings

like a rubber band

all wrapped up

bursting out

flying loose

yes

that's me

My world is always awake

including

the likes of you

No difference

no pretense

spice flowing

regardless

of your world waking up now

Totally

free

Before The Rain

2011-05-14T06:45:00.003-05:00

The skies were as blue as blue can be

suddenly

the darkness came

yet

it was only rain

winds blew

refreshing all

darkening

awakening

to the sweet smell

of everything alive

Mother Nature

2011-05-10T14:54:00.003-05:00

Mother nature

be gentle upon us

as I look

at the doves

living amongst my land

we are all

sentient beings

seeking shelter

from the

wrath of a turbulent nature

give us time

to nurture

to love

this is my prayer to thee

mother nature

earth being

the center of me

Different Love

2011-05-10T13:53:00.003-05:00

When one can sit

in total content

not a complaint in the world

there

you find

true happiness

The mere existence

of love

exists

in everything

surrounding

connecting to one

is connecting to all

presence

boundless

When one can sit

in content with oneself

love

speaks

in different languages

The love I feel

for many

is the same

yet

expressed differently

Today I sit

content

surrounded

being

love

co-creator

of my life

Just like the iris

blooming

dropping seeds

yet lovingly

being

just me

Art Making Art

2011-05-07T09:46:00.007-05:00

14" x 18" Acrylic with ink on Canvas

The video camera stared at me from across the room...

Magic created a playful tune

Capturing the moment

The stillness of the day

Blinds closed

Insides opening

as we began to play

Passion soaring

as the strokes were pouring

trembling

as one might say

refrain from touch

unlikely today

Artists

experiencing

creating art

Actors pretending

reality astray

A kiss

at the end of day

Creation creating

one hell of a play

Guilt washed away

may the magic

stay

forever

this day

An artist creating art

is what remains

beauty surrounds

reality awakes

to touch

and be touched

a wonderful gift

...humans love to play

Still learning

striving

to capture the moment

we'll get it right

as in love and time

loving in a place

where there is

no time

nor space

1/2 Marathon

2011-04-30T10:23:00.002-05:00

14" x 18" Acrylic and glitz on Canvas

Blindly

2011-04-26T06:24:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, blindly I felt your touch

your breath

breathed upon my sleeve

Yesterday, your love

encompassed me

seducing the very inch of me

Yesterday

you lived within me

touching

moving me

Today

I see strings

stretching

pulling

welcoming

new love

awakening

the depth of me

Today

blindly

engulfing my being

The rain

pellits down

washing away leaves

from a tree

Today

I stand naked

bursting with relief

Years of wisdom

Years of knowledge

floating down a river

so I can remain

free

Father ~ Daughter

2011-04-24T21:56:00.004-05:00

This story is not particularly pretty. Most "real life" stories aren't. They are made for Hollywood. I was inbetween 2nd and 3rd husbands. My boyfriend and I went to a club where we encountered my 2nd husband. He was angry. My boyfriend became angry. I got the black eye. I was inbetween my 2nd husband and my boyfriend. We left the club with my boyfriend driving my car. He dumped me on the highway. I went to a stranger's house and dialed a taxi. I arrived home. I called the police to report my car being stolen. My boyfriend arrived. He beat me. The police arrived. I bit the policeman on his hand while he was grabbing me. I called my dad from jail to ask him to get me out. He came and posted my bail. It went to court. The policeman I bit apologized. Case was thrown out. My point being? That night my dad bailed me out... my memory was of myself crying in a corner of my home asking to whatever...what's wrong with me.. and my mom answering...what's wrong with you? That night, I truly bonded with my dad. He laughed that I had bit an officer.

Where does this post arrive from? We're only human. To live from one's heart is what it is. A friend lives from his heart. I watch him sacrifice. So perhaps that's the core of this post. Living with humans who sacrifice.

Stories from a Patient's Book

2011-04-20T09:29:00.006-05:00

My Children
Are Coming Today

My children are coming today. They mean well. But they
worry.
They think I should have a railing in the hall. A telephone
in the kitchen. They want someone to come in when I
take a bath.
They really don't like my living alone.
Help me to be grateful for their concern. And help them to
understand that I have to do what I can as long as I
can.
They're right when they say there are risks. I might fall. I
might leave the stove on. But there is no challenge, no
possibility of triumph, no real aliveness without risk.
When they were young and climbed trees and rode
bicycles and went away to camp,
I was terrified. But I let them go.
Because to hold them would have hurt them.
Now our roles are reversed. Help them see.
Keep me from being grim or stubborn about it.
But don't let me let them smother me.

Infirmities

In line, in the supermarket,
I stood next to a young woman with a baby.
The baby drooled,
His mother smiled and wiped his mouth with a tissue.
The baby seized the tissue and threw it to the floor.
His mother picked it up, laughing.
He grabbed it again and threw it under our feet.
Again and again.
His mother laughed.
The baby squirmed, disarranged his clothes,
Grew red in the face,
Babbled gibberish.
His mother cuddled him and smiled
Would she be so gentle,
So understanding, so kind,
To an old father, trembling, murmuring,
Wandering in his mind?
Am I? To my friends who falter and fail.
Why do the infirmities of age revolt us?
They seem unnatural.
We're wrong; all living things move gently toward decay.
Is a blasted oak revolting?
Are we afraid? Yes. I draw inwardly away
From my failing friends because I see
Myself in them. I don't drool,
But tomorrow I may. My hands shake
And I don't always catch what people say.
Help us to be as gentle with old people
As we are with infants.
Help us to look past the tic, the tremor, the gray
Failed flesh the way
We look past the baby's helplessness to see
A unique self
Reflecting Your divinity.

My Choice

2011-04-19T06:07:00.003-05:00

At 13, menses arrived

not my choice

I was surprised

At 13, cramping and blood

oh how I wished

to be a guy

At 13, emotions ran high

not in control

wondering why

3 births later

I had a choice

I gave birth

to my beautiful children

3 births later

never knowing

I had a choice

Yet to learn

someone wants to

take away

"my choice"

It was embedded into my brain

You get pregnant

You have a child

No choice

Today

I speak for a choice

circumstances

subscribed for the child

unborn

Personally

my children

couldn't imagine

life without them

I didn't know I ever had a choice

So naturally

You get pregnant

You have the child

Why must man

take upon

the responsibility

of what nature

has to say

Let nature

have its way

Individually

you have a choice

Empty Nest

2011-04-17T22:30:00.003-05:00

The house is empty

I know it best

years of living

trying to digest

I ramble through

memories of me and you

that's how I forgive

what you did to us

rambling through

Years were best

when you weren't here

appreciating

time spent alone

Today

memories rambling

I wish you no harm

but thoughts

of finding your way

We were lost souls

connecting at bay

lost souls

who didn't know their way

Today

the house is empty

children grown

going their own way

with love from me

guiding their way

Thoughts of you

wishing to tap

to bring inside

yet

as then

you are a stranger

losing

your way

I could cry

I could scream

yet it wouldn't matter

you weren't there

when it mattered

so to hell with you

strangers

always

Do I Stay?

2011-04-14T12:07:00.007-05:00

Do I walk away

or do I stay

Is there really

magic in the moon?

Do I walk away

or do I stay?

"Cannot imagine

my life

without you in it"

Is it true?

To stay hurts

To love so deeply hurts

Do I stay

or do I walk away?

Will the magic in the moon suffice tonight?

Head held high

Smiling brightly

Again

Love wins

Struggling deep within

"I cannot tell a lie"

still seems to be alive

Not revealing

Not a lie

Choices to be made

Will I stay?

or will I walk away?

Your choice has been made

I am walking away

Damnit

You know I can't

Connection is too strong

When love is here

Love wins

http://www.democrats.com/pass-the-peoples-budget?source=hceragioli%40aol.com

Famous Words ~ "I will call you tonight"

2011-04-13T20:37:00.003-05:00

Of all the things coming into my life

trust me

"I will call you tonight"

is not one of them

I have realized

it is the hidden

things that mean the most

the hidden heart

the hidden wounds

that take attention to

a simple

"I will call you"

doesn't matter

for that is a trusted

friendship

where all things will bloom

what am I hiding

what do I not tell

the secrets of my heart

the day of ecstasy

with a friend

yes

only a friend

where connection

is made

spiritual

realm

where we only gaze

ecstasy

was reached

as if

it were real

real

to me

real to him

it exists

in another

dimension

physically on earth

as if all time matters

knowing in reality

it only exist

in the heart

of the matter

it is real

Tall Beauty

2011-04-10T08:01:00.006-05:00

I still have alot of work to do in my flower beds - as one can see. Yet, the flowers still bloom as if they don't care about their surroundings. Most of my flowers were given to me by friends and neighbors. I absolutely adore these tall beauties because of their strength and color. Purple is my favorite. Iris - it takes it name from a Greek word for the rainbow for the Iris comes in a variety of colors.

I recently learned something - totally off the subject of my flowers - but I learned what "half light" means. Half light means to be in the "light" of another. All of these years, and I just figured it out. For some reason, this takes me to love. I heard love is friendship on fire. Now that totally makes sense to me.

Going back to my flowers, as you can see, they're shining more in the sunlight ~ love ~ friendship on fire. Lovely.

Senior Prom ~ Love Circle

2011-04-09T13:26:00.003-05:00

By Beth Ceragioli

2011-04-06T12:04:00.003-05:00

Mellow Yellow

Hello bright yellow
You golden mellow fellow
You may be short bus slow
like Rapunzel, head hung low

When you move as fast as lightening,
life might seem slightly frightening
So sit back and eat a banana
And try to drive at 5 o'clock in Atlanta

Kick back, and feel the sun on your face
Or present a duck with your grace
The feeling of yellow never to be replaced
Except for custard gracing you with its' taste

Yellow sunny D pours through my lips
it's amazing how fast time can slip
So like a yellow light take it slow
And savor the moment before you go

Hockey and Tanks

2011-04-02T12:05:00.002-05:00

I took these pics yesterday as I was stuck on I24-E coming home from work yesterday. Seeing these tanks in Nashville was a strange thing for me. Thoughts of the different wars going on went through my head. Couldn't figure out where these tanks were heading. I told my mom about the tanks this morning when I called her. She told me of the story when her and my dad, after they first were married, drove all the way from Wilmington to Alabama behind a tank with the big old gun pointing at them the whole way. She laughed about it as she was telling me but said it was the longest trip of her life. The year was 1944.

My son took this pic Thursday night and sent to me. He was at the Predators vs. Avalanches hockey game in Denver. The Predators won. Yea Preds!

Magic In The Moon

2011-03-30T06:32:00.003-05:00

The smell of your body

The taste of your tongue

The touch of your fingers

Creates

A passion spun

The gentleness of your voice

The depth of your heart

sends sparks

to my soul

unfolding

numerous

orgasms

again

Love planted

seeds growing

wrapped in goodness

always knowing

Passion

neverending

I give to you

Arms open

Legs spread

Nature

Natural

Let us begin

Spirits...thus far

2011-03-27T22:47:00.004-05:00

16" x 19" Acrylic on Glass

Complete

I think I am going to have to call this one a "work in progress". It is hard at times for me to know when the painting is "finished". I painted this one for 2 days. The elements presented were amazing. It was as if I were painting my "muses" themselves. I am thinking this one will end up being called "spirits evolved". Yet, what I see, oftentimes is different from what others actually see.

This painting is about love. I find myself loving many men, in many different ways. The difference being - who loves me?

Flywings 7-15-07

2011-03-26T12:21:00.007-05:00

A friend posted a picture of a white horse flying over a beautiful rainbow. After telling him I liked it, he suggested perhaps it would give me inspiration to paint. I then told him about my painting above. This was painted during my first year when I began painting. At the time, I had just got back from taking my daughter, my now ex-daughter-in-law, and my 2 grandchildren to the beach for a week. I recall spending that time telling my ex-daughter-in-law all about Dan and the journey I was on and the stories he shared with me. We played Dan's music during the 5 hour trip to the ocean and the 5 hour trip back to her home. She was deeply in pain. The best word I can use to describe what she was doing is "purging". Ridding herself of hidden pain/hidden emotions - which is what I was also doing with Dan.

Tulips

2011-03-25T05:51:00.003-05:00

12" x 16" Acrylic with Glitz, Ink on Canvas

The awesome smell of the tulips

enlightens the senses

sweetening the nostrils

opening

fragrances

of sweet sensation

the tulips

dance

magical

rhythms

opening

and

closing

a life

of their own

Beth, My Daughter

2011-03-24T19:53:00.002-05:00

By Beth Ceragioli

Fingernail Polish, Whiteout, Colored Pencils, Pens on Paper

9" x 11"

Beth was just 9 years old when her father left. It almost crushed her. She grew up very fast in a small amount of time. Today, she blossoms. She will graduate from Nashville School of Arts in May. She has been accepted to Middle Tennessee State University where she will begin in the fall of this year. There are no words to express my love for this child.

Beth's brother Anthony will also graduate in May. He will receive his Associate Degree from Colorado Mountain College. He plans to continue there to receive his Bachelor's Degree. He was 16 when his father left. Still today, he is a "father figure" to his little sister.

Again, I have no words to express my love for my children. My oldest son, Craig, is a single, divorced father of two now. I've watched as he struggled through many obstacles. He is a magnificent being who I cherish deeply.

For me, my children is what makes my world go around. Planted fruit with an awesome flavor!

Sun~Spring Rising

2011-03-20T09:24:00.006-05:00

12" x 16" Acrylic, ink, glitz on Canvas

Sun rising

new day

new season

how beautiful

all is teasing

no rhyme

no reason
season of change

music in the air

love reaching

love teaching

love spicing

icing

melting

bountiful

from

here

there

my heart

wide open

from

here

there

inside

outside

spreading

beyond

always

spice

original stands
I am who I am

White ~ Pink = Love

2011-03-17T18:54:00.005-05:00

These are rose trees in my front yard. My ex found them in the woods behind my parents' house back when my dad was dying from cancer. That was 20 years ago. Look how they've grown. At the time he planted them, I was a very bitter soul. Just like the trees, I too, have grown and blossomed.

Beth went to Steamboat Springs, CO to visit with her brother during spring break. This is a pic they took while hiking at Fish Creek Falls. The waterfalls are now frozen.

This is a 8" x 9" acrylic painting with ink, glitz of my neighbor's tree in front of my house.

This is my Bradford Pear tree in the back of my house. I feel so very lucky to be surrounded by so much beauty. Trees blossoming - as I feel about my children.

Flowers & Wine

2011-03-13T08:39:00.003-05:00

9 1/2" x 8" Acrylic with ink & glitz on Glass

Flowers and wine

soothes the mind

Flowers and wine

heightens vision

tastes of delight

Flowers and wine

very fine

Magic of Love

2011-03-12T13:45:00.003-06:00

9 1/2" x 8" Acrylic, ink, glitz on Cardboard

The love I feel

buried deep within

blossoms

like flowers

lighting up

The love I feel

revealed

a world

with such beauty

never fades

The love I feel

heals

Swimming

2011-03-08T06:00:00.003-06:00

Take my hand

as we dive deep into the water

splashing

lasting

forever

one

Take my hand

join me

cleansing

refreshing

enlightening

water's

dawn

Take my hand

let me go

freeing

relieving

breathing

on my own

Words

2011-03-07T06:09:00.002-06:00

Words typed

words written

words of the mouth

form love

That is all I see

all I feel

love

surrounding me

The gaiety of love

the amusement of love

the ability of love

love is all I see

surrounding me

Rainy Day & Pizza

2011-03-06T06:32:00.004-06:00

9" x 11" Acrylic with glitz on cardboard

Yesterday was a rainy day. At lunch, my daughter and her friends picked up pizza and brought it home. We sat around the kitchen table eating and chatting. My daughter suddenly began laughing as she recalled memories of her past. She then told the story of "the crutch". One night her father and I got into a fight. He pushed me face down onto the kitchen floor. As he hobbled by me on his crutches, I snatched the crutch from him and hit him bringing him down along side me and then hurridly got up and ran. This story lead to many more of the same. The difference today is acceptance. She told her friends her father was still the same. She described it as a "building up" of tension. You can see it coming and you know when to get out of harm's way. My question is, does one accept this kind of behavior? Not me. As far as my daughter is concerned, she sees him once or twice a year. She does have memories of him being a good dad when she was little. Yet, also, memories of him not being a good husband. But we laugh about it today, realizing the seriousness of it then. A rainy day and pizza.

Showers of Spring

2011-02-27T10:08:00.005-06:00

9" x 11" Colored Pencils, Sharpie, & Whiteout on Paper by Beth

Last week I went and filed my taxes. When I finished, I walked out to my car in the parking lot. Behind my car was a wreck between 2 cars and a cop. The next morning, I was on my way to work and as I was stopped at the red light, another car ran the red light and smashed another car. The next day, as I came out of my office at work, I witnessed yet another wreck. A car had ran into the back of a car. Friday afternoon, after a long week, I was finally relaxing at home when my daughter's boyfriend called. Beth had just ran into the back of a van. She nor Joey nor the driver of the van were injured. Sometimes, you just don't want to know what the universe is going to bring to you.

Yesterday was like a beautiful spring day. Most people rake their leaves right after they fall. Not me. I waited until they were all dead and raked my yard yesterday. I am so looking forward to the spring. Today, they are calling for more storms. Last week's storm sent a tree limb onto my windshield and cracked it. Today, it is cloudy and gloomy except for the flowers popping up and the love I feel inside. The beauty of nature. Destroying and restoring. Breathing in, breathing out. No matter what the universe brings...and yes, spending a day outside with the sun shining and the wind blowing raking leaves and picking up tree limbs was absolutely delightful!

"Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better." -Albert Einstein

Explosion of Love

2011-02-19T16:24:00.003-06:00

9" x 11" Acrylic, ink, glitz and flowers on Cardboard

"She's Nobody's Girl"

2011-02-19T10:43:00.000-06:00

Soul Suckers

2011-02-16T10:42:00.005-06:00

I decided to take the day off today. ARC is coming in the morning to pick up donations. I stuck my hot pocket in the microwave and went back to my bedroom to go through my things. Totally forgot about the hot pocket. I came across a painting my daughter had given me a very long time ago...one of her first paintings. I framed it and ran off to hang it in her bedroom. As soon as I opened my bedroom door, the smell of smoke almost gagged me. Going towards the kitchen, it really got bad. I had set the wrong time on the microwave. Hot pocket burnt to a crisp. I opened my doors and windows that would actually open (very old house) and grabbed Betty and went for a walk. I could even smell the smoke outside.

Oddly enough, this song was playing while my house was smokin!

As I was going through my things, totally forgetting the hot pocket, my mind was full of a conversation I had last night. Seeing a person as they truly are. Standing on the outside watching someone live a total lie. Why? Fear perhaps. Fear of being true to themselves. Living their life the way the world tells them to. Some would call it sacrificing. I call it sad. I lived that lie for almost a lifetime. Yes, I was very sad. When one can't change a situation, what does one do? I speak my mind. That's all I can do. Perhaps more verbally as time goes on. I speak my mind.

Betty and Me

2011-02-08T05:47:00.002-06:00

Religuiously-Nope it is "Religulous"

2011-02-06T19:54:00.003-06:00

I hope that's the title. Not good with titles. Mainly pay attention to content. Anyway, I watched this documentary with Bill Maher today. It was totally awesome. He went around the world interviewing people about their religion. The best one, that I liked, was the interview with the preacher who was wearing $2000 suit, alligator shoes, lots of gold jewelry, and actually received a text message, which he answered, during the interview. He said it was in the bible that he should be blessed with houses, cell phones, cars, and gold for following Jesus. Oh my! Been there, done that. Bill pointed out that it was his followers who were blessing him because they believed what he was preaching. Sounds like, according to Bill, he had a good business going there for himself.

Again, thank goodness, Dan showed me the truth, when I was the one listening to the preacher.

Very good documentary. I would recommend this highly to everyone on this planet.

Balance

2011-02-05T20:20:00.001-06:00

"Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."

WebCam

2011-01-31T21:21:00.002-06:00

Ok. I try to think of myself as being open minded. Yet, when a grown, professional man shows himself to me on camera, it kinda freaks me out. I was curious. But in the back of my brain, possibly human, I thought, no way in hell would I want this man in my life. In simple words, it was pathetic. Humans are human. We have feelings. We try to dodge these feelings yet they exist, at least for me. I don't want to be dehumanized. I know what I like and know what I don't. Egostistic. Yes, when it comes to love. I want to be special.

Why

2011-01-26T08:46:00.005-06:00

http://www.jango.com/stations/265195139/tunein?song_id=337904

Why do I do the things that I do

which entails speaking my mind

walking in bliss

A smile covers my face

which I embrace

to match my entire being

Being connected

always reflecting

makes me wonder

why do I do the things that I do

Not asking for much

I have all that I need

except for a mate

I don't like to date

Solitude is my friend

happy being alone

the thought of marriage

is out of the question

for who knows if anyone

could put up with me

the way that I am

doing the things that I do

speaking my mind

walking in bliss

State of the Union

2011-01-25T21:01:00.004-06:00

All of these applauds from "State of the Union" aren't paying my electric bills. $398 this month. Ridiculous. How does one survive? I hate politics.

Backdoor View

2011-01-22T12:43:00.007-06:00

16" x 20" Acrylic with Glitz on Canvas

Walking along singing a song

singing a song for you...

looking out the backdoor

what a spectacular view...

Once you were here

we shared our hearts

touching

exploring...

sweet music we made

for only a night

then parted

with

Our days full of

messages

empty of sorrow

waiting for days of tomorrow

The heart cries out

"go away"

yet it is here you stay

desiring to play

Walking along singing a song

this song is for you...

Will wait no longer

walking along singing a song

for you

The backdoor has a more

spectacular view...

The moon hiding

behind the trees

Ever gently to be seen

Covered in frost

Frozen in time...But not me

For I know

spring will arrive

fresh rain will fall

flowers will bloom

Now that's me...

Walking along singing my song

along my way

Stream of Thought

2011-01-15T18:55:00.003-06:00

16" x 20" Acrylic with ink and glitz on canvas

"All good things are wild and free."

~Henry David Thoreau

"Do Nothing"

2011-01-15T12:31:00.003-06:00

When you come to a place

and you don't know what to do

the best advice given to me was

"do nothing at all"

Feelings rising inside me

stirring my soul

touching my heart

not knowing what to do

so I do nothing at all

Watching thoughts

disappear

giving room for heart

to hear

Laying down

on the ground

feeling dirt

all around

Doing nothing at all