Shell

Acrylic on Canvas 18" X 24"

This painting was painted in April, 2007. At the time, I did not know where the painting came from. Today, as over a year has passed, it came to mind that it arrived from the feeling that I was not "clean". I had to get into the water to cleanse myself. Then it came to me, I came from my mother's womb, which was already cleansing, for I was born through water. I was enveloped in the water in her womb. Mother being "mother earth". The "epithany" for me was that I never felt clean, not realizing how clean the dirt actually is. There were too many years of "you shouldn't have done that, that was wrong, etc. etc.". Water is very cleansing! Notice, I am not alone in that water. My beloved was right there with me!

Divine Beloved

March, 2007



Acrylic on Canvas 24" X 18"







At the time I painted this painting, I did not have a physical lover, yet, I met my lover, and we were very physical. He is the male of me, showing me some wonderful places which I did not know existed inside of me. He absolutely loves me and I him. I hold him in my arms, melting my heart. I tell him everything and anything and he still loves me. This man exists inside of me. For I am feminine and he is masculine and yet we met becoming one.


Clearly, the painting on the top, as now seeing it today, also applies to this posting. This painting is titled "Can You See Me Now", which also takes me to the place of my poem "For the love of". Yet, it seems that all of my paintings actually arose from this posting.

After reading this posting, I am wondering if this being whom I am describing, actually is real, as a physical being. Or, we just killed each other spiritually/physically in order to be able to see more clearly. I read that "soul mates" do not exist. It is only possible to love yourself. How arrogant that sounds! Yet, if life is just an illusion, then it would make sense. "Life is but a dream". To enjoy life, in all it's entirety, would be so boring if we did not have someone to share it with. So, even if it is a dream, why not love it and cherish it with all your heart! It appears too many people are more concerned with dying than living.

A wonderful quote that I love is, "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not".
If I did not love myself, then who else would love me?

Critters

2-24-2008 Acrylic on Canvas 18" X 24"

Flowers Blooming

I began painting after my "disaster" in KY. This painting was done after another new friend of my daughter's came into our lives. Her name is Katherine. Her and my daughter "swear" they are soul mates. I have to admit, they do look such much alike. They both share similar stories. Katherine's father abandoned her also. Katherine's mother and I became friends. I shared my "stories" with her. Afterwards, she brought me a canvas. As a "thank you" to her I painted her this painting and gave it to her as a gift. Katherine went to the gulf coast with my daughter and myself. It was absolutely amazing!

For the love of

For the Love Of...

Undress me with your hands,
undress me with your eyes,
hold me in your clasp,
though we've never met with our eyes.

Love me with your words,
uncover my heart's desire,
lend me your ear,
keep me warm tonight.

Show me the way to your heart,
show me the way to your gold,
let me live in you and through you,
let me feel your soul.

Boundaries Crossed

Coming to crossroads

not knowing which way to go

yet for the sake of others

letting it go

for no harm was meant

in crossing over

equal to both

is all I know

Rainbow Water

Cherokee Indian

"Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youth's rite of passage?...
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.

He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold
until the rays of the morning sun shine through it. He cannot cry out for help
to anyone. Once he survives the night, he is a MAN. He cannot tell the other boys
of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely
be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew
the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing
the blindfold. It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.
It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him. He had
been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm. We too are never
alone - even when we don't know it. "

Betty - Licks

One of the Faces of Eve

The Past

Oh my gosh
the past can hold
the past can reveal
so many secrets
yet
to let go
of all the past
to recognize
reality
in its existence
is so freeing
as tears stream down my cheeks
for a reason
I am yet unaware
cleanse me
release me
for that is not who I
desire to be
bounded to a past
in a time
when I did not know
that life
in all its experiences
can just be
oh my gosh
there are folks
who truly care
about
your destiny
I am not alone
in this crater
do not fear
its existence
to live as one
is such a lonely place to be
open up
accept
eternity

Packing

Sadly, this is our last night. We spent the day on the beach. The girls searching for more seashells, they are hard to find here. I laid with my back to the sound. With my eyes closed, I watched as if the ocean was breathing in and out of me with the most beautiful colors ever envisioned. Around 5:00, it began to rain. No actually, it was 4:40 because when we got back up to the condo, we ran into the wedding party. Yesterday, one of the men who works here told me I was invited to a wedding tomorrow. I asked him where he was going to be married and he replied, "out back, behind the condo's at 5:00 p.m." They were getting married on the gulf! The bride was absolutely gorgeous in her long white wedding gown. The bridesmaids were in pink and the ushers were in blue. Everyone except the wedding party was off the beach. The tiniest flower girl threw petals into the pool on her walk to the ocean. All the guests were watching the wedding from our balconies. And yes, after a little bit of thunder and lightening, the clouds vanished and the sun returned.

We've just come in from dinner. The girls picked our restaurant tonight - the waffle house! Now, we will pack up these memories to take home with us.

Visitor

This painting was done on paper with watercolor. One of my first paintings. I decided it "matched" with this day because, on this day, adults tried to rule, yet, mother nature rules. Children, even teenagers, "rule", when the adults do not know the proper way to "play". At the time I actually painted this, I was learning of my Cherokee heritage and how we are born cleansed, coming from Mother Earth.

We spent all day on the beach yesterday. It was magical. Except for my daughter getting stung by a jelly fish (later learned she did not get stung by a fish - it was the whipping of the seaweed). She had picked up some shells and brought them to our space and I told her she should leave them in their natural habitat. Her reply, "we always pick up shells and bring them home with us". Yes, the shells are lying here on the counter.

The day lingered in happiness. Memories of youthful days surrounding me. The teenage boys sitting in front of us were digging a hole. The hole in the sand was big enough that the two of them were able to climb in. The little toddlers running in joy of playing in the water. The married couples as I watched were all different. There was a reluctance to enjoy the ocean. The young college girls were a hoot flirting with the older men. When I was lying on my belly, my ear against the sound, I could hear folks walking by me. What tickled me was, one girl said to another, as walking by, "I know why my boobs hurt, it's because of laying flat on them for so long". Funny, that's when I decided to turn over.

I believe the most beautiful creatures I saw today were the seagulls. They reminded me of penguins with the only difference being, the seagulls could actually fly. There were so many of them. I counted over 50 playing in one spot. I watched as they rode the waves. They would peck their bill into the ocean to grab their fish, jumping over waves. It was amazing. Watching them swoon with such elegance, their bodies absolutely beautiful!

The Gulf

The gulf showers my soul

to remember this day

to always display

will bring beauty

into my heart

blessed am I

and those around me

for enjoying

and discovering

the nature of life

tuned

to harmony

swinging ever so

Thoughts

16" X 18" Acrylic on Canvas
I painted this painting while my daughter was surfing her world. All her feelings, whatever they were, she was writing down. I envisioned them to be "released", floating through time. I posted it with this writing because, my daughter and all my children, are the world to me. I want them to remember good things and how they have the ability to make life the way they want it, not remembering the not so good times, yet, knowing they did occur, yet, they have a choice as to keep them or release them.

We pulled into the condo parking lot after dinner and I said, "ok girls, we're home". My daughter replied, "I wish". I then stated, "if we actually lived here, we probably would not enjoy it as much as we do now...all things in moderation". I then visualized my actual home in my head. Yes, that is my home for now, yet, I do not know what life has in store for me. But what I do know, is the love in my heart which lives inside of me - that "home" will never leave me.

My daughter's friend, who is also 15 years old, is one of the many pleasures of our vacation. She had never seen the ocean before. Watching her engulfing the ocean is amazing! Seeing through the eyes of a child does wonders for an old soul. My daughter and I have been to the west coast, and the east coast, this is our first trip to the gulf. We noticed not many folks on the beach go out far in the water, as compared to the east coast beachers. On the east coast, we would go very far out into the ocean and ride the waves. On the west coast, I, myself, personally, did not care for San Francisco waters - way too cold for me. Here, it appears that folks do not ride the waves for the jelly fish. My son, before we left, advised us, "beware of the jelly fish". The other thing which I've noticed is the salt and humidity. On the east coast, did not recall seeing the salt nor actually being effected by the humidity. It was there, yet, it seems the strong, constant wind there kept it from being felt as much. There is a gentle breeze which flows here. When coming out of the ocean, I see the salt lined up on the shore. It reminds me of when the slugs come out at my house. I will pour salt to keep them from coming into my home!

Bliss

This is another watercolor I did in 2007, when I first began painting. At the time I painted her, I was full of so much history, so much pain. It was as if I were a stone, picking history out of the sea. Today, it is such a relief to know that I picked the flowers, studied them, and released them. For knowing the difference in how I was and how I am now, the peacefulness inside of me, well, it can be quite overwhelming. Bliss. Yes, that is the proper word to describe it.


Waking up on the gulf of Mexico is such a pleasure. The ocean sung me to sleep last night. Listening to the waves and the breeze almost like sleeping in a hammock over the seas. I kept my door wide open. Knowing I do not live here, only a place to visit, free from the norm and stress of life. Vacation - such a wonderful thing, yet, at the same time, when waking up this morning, that "ahh" was the same as it is when I am home, waking up in my own bed. Hmm. Just different.

Blogs

What I absolutely love about this blog is that there are no advertisements. On my other blogs, there are over 300 blogs which I posted, viewed over 8,000 times with advertisements. Freedom. No one is benefitting financially here, other than the heart of the soul. MY delima, (sp check here) is how do I get those from there to here? Perhaps, I am not suppose to. Perhaps, those are paintings/poems of the past. Perhaps it is total transformation. Yet, those paintings/poems of the past brought me here to the now with only things which need to be said. FOX was the biggest clue. They have been following me. Yet, sometimes, it takes time to listen.

PawPaw

Tonight I was reading another google blog where there were images posted. At that time, my daughter came into my room. I clicked on the image and said to my daughter, "look at this picture, who does it remind you of?" She replied, "pawpaw". My daughter was born in 1993, my father died in 1991. So, to me, the image she saw were pictures she had seen of my father. But the most amazing thing to me was, yes, he looks exactly like my father. Where is the connection here? It made me think, "do we all have the same father?". Of course not, yet, there are interconnections there for a reason. There is a long history of the blog I was reading. Many, many details. Yet, instead of explaining them all, I'll let my daughter see, what she sees. She sees what I see. Hmm, connection between mother and daughter, or connection between daughter and father.