Grace

Date: 2/25/2005

From: Dan



"The good thing about the email conversation is that it allows focus. I have a commitment to the work I'm doing and nothing will be allowed to distract the focus if I can possibly prevent it. I feel honored to be able to do what I do. I know from experience how the ability to create can be jeopardized or destroyed by distraction....perceptions take off on a different direction and relationships are shaped by forces that have nothing to do with making art.

I have to choose carefully in order to continue the work I'm doing. Keeping our conversation strictly in the realm of the written word is working....a marvelous connection of many layers of meaning is opened and both of us are learning things through what could be described as a condition of grace. It may be natural to want more....but this is currently in an area where I will not allow compromise. I ask you to respect my perceptions in this area....it is one of the most basic foundations of the art that I make. It has to do with discernment....and in a way, you could say that it is a covenant with the inner voice. I have lost many opportunities to be helpful to others in the past by allowing physical needs (which we all have) to overwhelm the very delicate channel which I am attuned to when I work.

Relationships with physical beings (& I don't mean just sexual relationships...but all relationships of bodies in a physical space..keep in mind that I've worked with dance and dancers for 2 decades)...require a constant re-adjustment and negotiation of the meaning of space in an immediate and direct way. Our "fight or flight" responses are, as they say, "hardwired" into our physical body. As are all the signals of courtship and emotional bonding...for a person who has been extensively trained in "directing" the arts that are applied to these aspects of the body (dance/performance)...being in the same space with a body who is the subject of your work is both amazingly exciting and incredibly draining.

A physical friendship, or at least an understanding, must be forged for the work to progress, and aspects of sexuality cannot be denied since honesty is essential. But if you have promised a group of people that you will act as their artistic director, you have to be CAREFUL! This is the reason that physicians are cautioned against developing physical relationships with their patients....they may lose the ability to discern the causes and effects of disease, because they themselves begin to introduce complication...maybe it will be for good, maybe not....but they are no longer physicians and their ability to help is compromised. Artists who work with human nature have some of the same dilemna.

And you are exactly right that you may ask any question but I may not answer...I think that much of my personal life is irelevant to the more exciting aspect of approaching the mystery that you are discovering. I'm an aid here, not the subject....and that's allowing things to flow.

In any event artists are legendary for being hard to understand. We are situated in ambiguity. (I say "we" but for the most part it is a solitary calling. I worked with large groups of artists for TWENTY years...very exciting, but it drained me almost to the bottom. Last year when I finally brought that project to closure I was so happy to have some quiet space to renew myself in. Gradually I may work back toward more direct engagement with others....but it will be awhile. In the meantime I like things just as they are.

I'll write more about the potential healing/ wounded cavemen thing later.

From: Holly
To: Dan
Date: 2/25/2005

"I forgot to tell you...you know I always get so absorbed with "me"...yes, something I'm working on...but anyway...I was able to go through all the images and they're remarkable...I want to spend more time there when I get more time...again, you amaze me...and that scares me....the spirit is upon me...see, why is it this happens when i'm trying to communicate with you???is my heart being protected????i don't even want to go here...is it really safe??? e-mail only???not real sure about that..."


From: Holly
To: Dan
Date: 2/24/2005

"I didn't go to elfland. I just 'went through it'....it's really quite humorous whatever it is I'm 'going through'. It feels good, that's for sure. But I didn't run from it, didn't hide this time. I stood strong. I'm pretty proud of myself, can you tell???
...your last e-mail is still sinking in. Made sense, but then you pretty much always do.

..oh, oh...that's what I wanted to say...the "intensity" of whatever it was that made me want to "hide"...do you know we e-mailed each other at the exact same time???? It was like, ok, has he got some 'voo-doo' doll he's sticking pins into!!!!"

My Unfury Friend

14" x 18" Acrylic with ink on canvas

The Faun

1/1/08

18" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas

I recently let a friend borrow a CD - "Torch". This cd was recorded as I was morphing through time. My friend returned it to me today with a note saying, "Thanks for sharing. Honestly it is a bit too deep for me". I thought, that's strange, it made total sense to me. Anyway, I came across a blog which revealed a lucid dream I had had while I was morphing. It was a photo of a guest bedroom. What I found totally interesting, it was the exact bedroom of my dream. Paintings of the faun in it - except, my faun was real - not a painting.

Peanuts

I talked to my mom this morning. It was a lovely conversation. She is 81 years old yet speaks childlike. Very humorous. We got on the subject of peanuts as she reminded me that all I would ever eat growing up was peanut butter. Which, yes, I still do. I learned of a great paternal uncle I never knew. His name was Uncle Jim. He grew peanuts. My mom told me the story of how my great paternal grandparents who lived next door to her when she was young would roast Uncle Jim's peanuts in their fireplace. As she is telling me the story, I visualize the setting. Very peaceful. My dad use to roast peanuts often. We go on to my mom re-telling me how her mother was only 14 when she married her father. I asked how they met but my mom did not know. She said, "back then we didn't think to ask such questions". Today, I find myself asking alot of "such questions".

Soft & Warm

14" x 18" Acrylic with Ink on Canvas

Snowing

The horrid phone call - "mom, I'm ok, my neck is not broken"....snowboarding and hitting a log..."just left emergency room"...."just a cervical sprain"...life goes on...

Magic In The Moon

http://www.inskinstudio.com/

Tattooed by Tony Stinnett

Paducah, KY

I just told my mom about my tattoo. She responded with ~ "I use to have a birthmark on my left ankle ~ grapes". I love my mom!