17

I don't cry often but I cried this morning. I've been up since 1:00 a.m. I had to go and get my 17 year old daughter from the police. She was in a car which had been pulled over at 12:03 a.m. Again, she was caught out past curfew. Luckily, they released her to me. The overwhelming feeling of being a "single mom" took hold of me this morning. Am soooo tired of being the only being responsible for her. Her dad doesn't do shit. Hasn't since he left 7 years ago. So what did I do. I called my mom. She will be 82 years old next month. I found the relief I was searching for. Such a great feeling to be able to still talk to your mom. She said she would pray for me. Last night, my youngest son played a song my oldest son had played for us when we visited last month. It was a song about praying. The guy singing said he found church and how to pray. He prayed she would have terrible things happen to her. It was quite funny. My mom also knew the song. My son had played it for her also. We laughed and brought reality back. No, it is not fun being a single mom to a 17 year old daughter, yet, it is society and its laws which makes it hard.

Wet & Hard

It was said to me this morning, "Just talking to you has made me wet and hard". What was I saying? I was cussing the man. Why did I have this effect on him? I thought about Pan. Am I the female version of him? I seem to bring about the sexual desires of every man I talk to. Hidden sexual desires. Hmm. All I want is love.

Poem received this morning from a different man which now makes me think of "True Thomas":

1worldunited
1worldunited
Saturday July 24 2010 09:27 PM
“ Poem_ Sitting here next to the old oak tree The only sound: the wind rustling the grass beneath my bare feet. For a long time I listen its quiet now; I hear the clouds and wings of the birds flying by. Its spring time and every thing is new even my memories of you. I drift away now deep into dreams of you and me lying here smelling the sweet grass beneath your hair. ”

A Whole Man

I decided to take the day off today. Interestingly, I have been on this computer chatting all morning. The 24 year old man I am chatting with is from Egypt. He asked me to be his friend about a week ago on Jango. He is a history teacher which I found impressive. During our chat, he asked me what my religion was. I told him I had no religious beliefs. He said he wanted to learn more. Right before the topic of religion came up, he said he was in love with me. He's never known real love before and that he pays egyptian girls for it 3 days a week. That was the only way he could get love. I explained to him that he wasn't in love with me - it was my spirit which was attracting him. He declared it was real. I told him I was only a fantasy to him. Of course, that took me to one of the conversations I had had with Dan many years ago. Dan, too, was only a fantasy man. Later, it occurred to me that every man who has been attracted to me were wounded men. Even Bob. Wondering when I will be with a whole man. Someone who is not wounded, perhaps someone healed - like me.

Samantha Dean Batten

My great niece. Born today, July 21, 2010...8 lbs. 4 oz. My brother would be so proud!

Series11:GlassBalls

14" x 18" Acrylic on Canvas with Glitz

My daughter got a speeding ticket...83 in a 70 mph. Along with it came ... out past curfew and too many teens in car. It was 12:10 p.m. She sped because she knew she was out past curfew and was trying to get home. My take on the situation is....too many damn rules for a teenager to follow. It cost money. $65 for driving school to keep it off my insurance...$20 for having too many passengers in her car and $42 clerical. Society sucks. The fear of being out past "curfew" caused the situation. When I was 17, I was married and had a child. Society did not tell me when I had to be home. Yet, society did not protect me or my child from my abusive husband.

Series10:GlassBalls

14" x 18" Acrylic with fine marker pen, ink, glitz on Canvas

Martina McBride - Independence Day (Live)

Wounded Man

I listen to Jango Radio on my computer. Others can e-mail one another on it. It is sorta like "My Space". I have made many friends on this network. This one particular man who lives far away, in another state began e-mailing me about a month ago. Last week, he asked if he could fly to Nashville to meet me. I said ok but with no expectations, just friends hanging out. He arrived here Thursday, took me out to eat and our quest began. He came to my home yesterday when I got home from work. We went and got take out dinner. I played Dan's CD "Torch". Then I told him the story of my journey and how I met Dan. Afterwards, this man became a little dazed and began telling me the story of his life. He is currently going through a divorce after 17 years of marriage. I sat and listened. When he was finished, he was really sleepy and still a little dazed. We said goodnight and he went back to his hotel. This morning I thought about how different the two of us were, yet, how I use to be as he is now. No doubt in my mind, this wounded man will heal and find his way.

Fireworks

This photo depicts how I feel towards the being who sent it to me: