My daughter's boyfriend brought me flowers for my birthday
Mother, sinner, saint holds so true
In Love With The Possible"When you have the profound awakening that you are part of a cosmic process that's going somewhere, you find yourself falling more deeply in love with what's possible than you are with what has already happened. And this shift inevitably challenges almost all of your values and beliefs, including your ideas about what it means to love another person. What are the conscious and unconscious values that inform your relationships with other people? Are those relationships primarily based on the past—on shared personal history and outdated cultural ideals? Or are they evolutionarily inspired, informed by the understanding that we're part of a process that's ever-aspiring to go somewhere new? Are your relationships alive with the evolutionary impulse, with a shared love for what's possible? Once we awaken to them, these future-oriented spiritual values are going to impact, in the most profound way, every notion we have of what life is supposed to look like."
—Andrew Cohen
Blast from my past
I moved to Nashville with my husband in 1985 because he got a job working with Gary Morris. In December, 1985, I gave birth to our son, Anthony. At the time, Faith Hill was Gary's secretary. Gary performed with his son, Matt, a couple years later at Opryland Theme Park. Faith was there and walked around the park with me and my son Anthony in his stroller. 
You mingle, jingle, wade against all odds
The beauty of a glorious mountain. 
Yesterday morning, I spent in the emergency room. I had slipped on a rug and fallen and hit my head on a step trimmed in metal. From trash to beauty to a bloody mess. I now have 3 staples in my head. The scene itself looked like a crime scene. So much blood comes from head injuries. I am thankful to be alive. I did not realize I was bleeding after falling and went back to bed only to wake up again in a bloody mess. My daughter spent the day taking care of me and washing bedsheets. Her boyfriend scrubbed the carpet, floor, walls, and door. Two bloody handprints would not come off the carpet of where I had crawled to the phone to call for help. This month has been extremely difficult for me in more ways than one. Yet, I am so thankful for my friends and family who are always there for me, in more ways than one. 24 hours of rest and I should have my strength back. Oh, and hopefully, have all the blood out of my hair.
After picking up 8 miles worth of trash along the roadway, I came home to paint my world full of beauty. It is terrible how people will throw out their trash along the roadway. Sickens me.
Interestingly, this is the image I saw this past weekend as I laid in my cell in prison. My cell mate had been there for 15 months. She was getting ready to be shipped off to the state pentitinuary for 15 years - no parole. She is the mother of a 2 year old arrested on drug charges. 34 years old. I had the bottom bunk. She was on top. The 1st night I was there, I could not sleep. I laid on the single cot, no pillow, dazing. The only window was beside her upper bunk. The moonlight shined. On the wall in front of me, this is what I saw. The 2nd night I was there, we were awakened at 4:30 a.m. for breakfast. When she finished eating, she sat and knelt in prayer in front of her bible. I laid on my cot, trying to focus on anything except what was. She then began reading the bible outloud. I got up, tried to open the locked door, anywhere, anyway to escape what was happening. She still read outloud. Why was her reading the bible upsettling me. Because, long ago, I learned the bible was written by man, man's translation from what he was experiencing then. The bible itself can be imprisoning...if one believes. That day, I saw firsthand, man's translation, from what he/she was experiencing at the time. 
TN is the only state which has the "shame law". First time DUI offenders are made to pick up litter on public highways, roadways wearing a vest stating "I Am A Drunk Driver". I was given 24 hour community service doing "Litter Pickup". I served my first 8 hours last Saturday along with 19 others. Most of the passerbyers honked their horns giving us "thumbs up" and "peace signs". Others merely took pictures. Whatever, it didn't bother me. I was pleased of the outcome after 5 miles of picking up trash. It is overwhelming how many citizens throw out trash.
Cancer or DUI???? Yes, life is an adventure. Many roads ahead. This blog is going to take awhile. Processing today is moving slowly yet so very fast. I will begin when it begins in the beginning. In the beginning, 7 years ago there was a frantic to "put it down". Now, today, it is more or less in a processing mode. Good thing I think. Life in slow motion??? Yet moving very fast.
My youngest son, Anthony was to graduate this last May with his associate degree, but, he was short a credit and had to attend summer school. Last night, he sent me this photo. Yes, he did graduate!!! So exciting, especially after receiving the news that my sister will be having a mastectomy next Thursday, the same day Anthony will be coming home for a short visit. You never know what life will give you. As my son continues in college, shaping his life; my sister will continue in life, focusing on healing. My love blossoms in both of them. They are both kicking butt!
A co-worker came into my office this morning and said, "Holly, the most amazing thing just happened!" She said she went outside this morning to feed the birds and 50 feet from her door were 2 turtles. She then asked me, "Have you ever seen 2 turtles mating or do you even know how they mate?". I thought about it and realized I'd never thought about it before and asked her how they mate. She was totally in "awe" while talking to me. To continue her story, she said she then went back in her house to find a camera, but it didn't work. When she went back outside, the male turtle was on top of the female with his 2 legs down under some leaves, and he was moving his front legs as though he were swimming and the turtle was humping away.
I was born in Wilmington, NC - the place they say the hurricane is going to land. The hurricane named "Irene". I've often thought of returning to the beach to live, but, as always, never carry through. Perhaps it is the thoughts of hurricanes visiting. Probably not. It is the thought of too much sand. I like or rather I love visiting the beach but my heart soars more towards the mountains, higher ground.
I watched "Dances With Wolves" this weekend. I had forgotten how much I truly enjoyed this film. Tonight, I am watching a documentary about the filming of this film, which only confirms why I love this film. Native Americans are so real. They touch the core of you. Yes, my great grandmother was Cherokee. Indians are not wild. They are gentle, living from the soul of their being. White men paint them red. Yet, to me, the color "red" is passion. Spirit.
Pink skies
12" x 16" Acrylic with ink, glitz on CanvasLove me enough
to trust me
to be loved
A love so innocent
opens me up
Love me enough
to trust me
to be loved
I trust you
to
love me enough
My daughter left for Florida last weekend with her boyfriend and her boyfriend's mother. This is the pic she sent me last night. Today, she text me saying they had to go to an attorney's office to sign papers so her boyfriend's mother could get her grandfather's fiddle, which her grandfather made, out of her aunt's house. Her boyfriend's mother plays a guitar and sings in a band here in Nashville. Anyway, the next text I received, Beth said they were driving now with the fiddle and Aunt Stonny's ashes in a jelly jar in the trunk. I thought, "what"? She then text me telling me her boyfriend had a very interesting family. I asked her, "where are you taking Aunt Stonny's ashes"? She replied, "I love it! We spread her ashes at her own house, then to a neighbor's house who took very good care of Aunt Stonny, and then the beach. Aunt Stonny is everywhere!" I could only smile.
Finding myself at 55, with no children in the house has been rather exciting. It appears Betty is my constant companion. All she ever wants from me is love and attention and of course food and water. Easy to give. The freedom, the contentment of life has been amazing. Exploration of life is even more blissful. Yes, that is the correct word "blissful" when one walks with a smile constant. Beautiful inside and out. 
I canned a jar of pickles for the first time in my life. A co-worker, actually Tammy, the same person who brings me home made pesto, brought me cucumbers last week. After talking to my mom this weekend and telling her about the cucumbers, she reminded me of my dad's pickles. They were terrible but I never told him that. So I decided to try my own hand at canning pickles. I was supremely surprised! They are absolutely delicious! My very first home made bread and butter pickles!!!
12" x 16" Acrylic with Glitz on Canvas
12" x 16" Acrylic with Ink
In 1993, when I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my now ex-husband began his affair. 18 years later, my ex's wife is accusing him of having a new mistress. That would be me. Twisted vines. Is it sorta like, "what goes around, comes around"? All I know is, I am happy. I just sit back and watch and listen. My life is simple. My life is beautiful. No room for twisted vines. I let them go. They hang and swing, swaying with the wind. If there is one thing missing, it would be the man who lit up my life 8 years ago. The man my ex tried to destroy. The love of my life. The only man who put the shine back in my eyes. He still lives in my heart.
My daughter, who turned 18 last Saturday, came by to show me her new tattoo. We got our first tattoo together a couple of years ago. I was threatened for it. After 37 years, I am no longer responsible for a child. Can anyone relate how good that feels? A very welcoming kind of freedom. By the way, the tattoo looks black, in actuality, it is blue, a very sparkling blue.
Moving on, letting go
