May Flowers

Last evening, I awoke in the middle of the night. I got up to go pee. In the dark, I met my son. He was coming out of the bathroom. I was naked. I sleep naked. He turned and saw me and said, "ugh" almost blocking me out. I covered my breasts. Tonight, I called him to see if he was coming home tonight. I brought up "last night". He said, "yea". I recalled seeing my mom for the first time when she was naked. "ugh". For whatever reason, no child wants to experience their parent naked. When my father was dying, it was very personal. Yet, his nakedness did not bother me. No, it did. He was my father and I had to see his "manliness". Yes, that was a "hard thing". He was a man dying. I saw his whole soul. Not as a father. But as a human being suffering. Nakedness did not bother me. No, it did bother me. Suffering souls do. Seeing thru flesh. Yes, look in the mirror. Yes, it was very hard. To recognize a being as personal, as my father. It was attachment to a lifetime where there was personal. So, yes , it did bother me. He was my father. To go beyond. To meet soul's purpose. Totally sucks.

Empath. Yes, I feel. I feel what the world feels. Very difficult. Yet, it is a gift. Or is it a curse? How about, it just is. My journey. There's so many "voices" telling me what to feel, what to think. Listen to my own, which so intervines with so many others. Take the others away, what remains, is me. That very small voice which wants to be alone. Not at all. There is another "voice" I hear. So magicial. So beautiful. It exists.

On another good note, my son received his college grades in the mail today. 4 A's, 1 B, and 1 C. Yes!!!! He rocks!!! Mothers can be so proud!