Sunday morning, Scherie and I went to Waffle House at 9:30, ate breakfast, then headed for her houseboat. It was such a peaceful time for me. The black and yellow monarch was gorgeous flying around us. The yellow finch was magnificent. "Mac & Mac" were there, our 2 named mallards. I counted this time, 25 geese, floating about. No, they didn't bother us this time. The water was absolutely sparkling!
Came home to a hellish situation. Tons of teenagers suddenly began filling my house. Suddenly, it all came to a head. All respect for "mom" was lost. Mom no longer had control. It was bad. Very bad. I told them all to go home. No one heard. I was, very hard to say, abused/aggressed by my daughter, because I said, "no more, go home".
Today, I am learning to say "no" and mean it. She doesn't like it. Not at all. I told her to pack her bags that night. I was taking her to her father's because I could no longer handle the situation. I called her father and left a message to tell him. No response. I came home with her bags packed for the week. I asked her if she would be happier living with her father. She said, "no", I just want to visit him. She hasn't seen nor spoken to him in 2 years. The night ended with me having to tell her that he did not respond. She called him. No response. Again, she suffered the reality of her father not wanting her.
It is hard to say "no" to your child. At least for me. I am learning that "no" is very good. I care enough to say "no". Her father, the anger I feel, is just that...anger. He is a total asshole. The "anger" did not turn into hate. It evolved to awareness. He is not in the same place as I am. Nor her. He is in his own living hell. Too bad.
I am just very, very lucky to have spent time in the water to appreciate what I came home to.
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