Dirt and Power

from: Dan
date: Wed. 16 Nov 2005

"I accept your apology. And I would like to make what I think is an important distinction; the actions that I described as creepy and manipulative had nothing to do with sexuality. Sexuality was the subject of the emails. I have no problem with discussing sexuality, or any other topic. What I found offensive was that you did not stop writing about sexual fantasies that involve me, even after I repeatedly asked you not to. I've been clear that I do not want an intimate relationship with you. You may experience that as rejection...but every person has the ability (perhaps you could say "the right") to choose who they find attractive. No one, not god or anyone else, has the right to over-rule another individual's choice, even if they are certain its for their own "good". What this comes down to is obsession...a form of not paying attention.

Ironically, this not paying attention takes the form of an exclusive focus of attention. A goal is identified and then pursued relentlessly. If you imagine it as a cone....the attention is all directed at the point of the cone, and in this case I found myself the point of that focus. It has been enlightening to me....because I have done the very same thing to others, and I now know personally how very uncomfortable and unwelcome that type of attention can be. Be that as it may, what isn't enjoyable is educational. (or can be, if you're willing to learn.) I'm a stickler for manners, more out of an awareness (I hope) of my own faults, than out of a desire to control others.

But you are right about the observance that I control my environment. As much as possible. I think of it as maintainance, and a simple responsibility of being alive. There is no one else to make the decisions and I'm deeply grateful for that fact.

About dirt: As long as you give others the power to condemn you, they will abuse that power. This is the nature of power. It is not "nice"....it is power. Power establishes the conditions of weak and strong and opposes them. That is a heirarchy. Power will not guide you to choose a particular type of result....there are only two directions in the elevator of power.

There are pre-established systems of morality (organized religions) that you may follow to help the social effects of power. But ultimately you have to choose what you want, and accept responsibility for your behavior (now, not in the endlessly reconstructed fantasy theater of an imagined past (and there is no other kind of past....just the imagined one.)....
AND, if you wish to meet other beings on a level field, you must respect their wishes.

If I were you....I would start working on cutting out some of the self-indulgent behavior...such as packing along the baggage of feeling "dirty". Whose definition of dirt is that....yours or someone else's? Have you ever really thought about dirt, and how essential it is to life? Your very life is made possible by dirt. Why not recognize its sacred nature and make yourself open to the healing and gifts which dirt can give you. Stop acting like you are at the mercy of forces beyond your control...or at least try controlling a few things just to get the hand of it.

Respectfully, Dan"