Moment of Truth - Chapter 5

The year of 1994 thru 1995 were busy years. The kids were keeping me busy. Nothing outstanding is appearing to me. Mostly baseball games. Taking Beth in her stroller to the game while her father was a coach. Not alot of intimacy taking place in these years. Yet, not alot of fighting. Hard fighting. We were hanging out with Mike and Donna. Mike was also a coach. Alot of partying going on. Then, suddenly, 2 days before Christmas, 1995, my brother died. Everything changed. My ex would not take me or let me go to be with my family until after Christmas. I have no memory of if he or the kids even went with me. My clearest memory is the night I got there, I slept with my mom, holding her in my arms as she wept all night long.

I remember shortly after, my best childhood friend came to Nashville from NC to stay with me. Beth was 2. My friend, Wanda, still to this day, recalls how Beth appeared at the bathroom door holding a carton of eggs and just began smashing them to the floor. Wanda stayed longer than expected. She got snowed in. The trip did Wanda good also. Her marriage of 18 years had ended. Her husband had been seeing another woman. Wanda could not stand my husband.

Afterwards, I began seeing a therapist. My husband was cold and distant. Kept telling me to get over it. This therapist was good for you, yet I did not listen but it stuck. He told me my husband would never change. I went to see him for about 3 months maybe.

After my brother died, my menstrual cycle ended. My gynecologist told me I was going through early menopause. I was only 44. She put me on hormones where I bled and bled and bled. Finally, towards the end of the year, she did a complete hysterectomy. I recall my husband being gone and me recovering and taking care of the kids at the same time. I remember taking them out trick or treating on Halloween. During this period, I had no desire for sex. I started making excuses. I stopped talking to my husband. I stopped fighting with him. I simply didn't care anymore. I played with my kids and played the part of the nice wife who kept her mouth shut.

In 1998, while my husband was in Lake Tahoe, I went and traded my old car, and bought my SUV, and put it in my name. I got a job, where I currently work and I had a plan. Sub-consciously, I knew I had to get away from him or he would literally kill me. I would hide "get away" money, clothes, extra key, etc. I began writing in my diary everything which was happening. I despised that man. I wanted out. But I knew I had to wait for my kids to be older.

Shortly after I began working, I got a phone call at work. It was a man at Food Lion telling me I needed to come and get my kids. He replied, "if you don't want them to see their father being arrested, you need to come and get them". I had to tell my supervisor what I was doing. I went and got my kids. He had been stealing meat for awhile now. They had a video camera on him the whole time. He was switching meat prices. Today, at work, that is a long time joke when I say I can't afford meat these days. They will reply, "yea, cause you divorced your ex". I don't know why he would steal all the time. He would steal souveneirs. One day I got a call from the Piggly Wiggly, he had been caught stealing cigarettes. Before that, he was kicked out of that same Piggly Wiggly that had moved. He got caught putting meat in his pants. When Restless Heart broke up, he stole all the equipment from the bus and put in our shed out back. He told me they gave it to him. I found out the truth after the divorce. One of the band members came and took pictures of all of it. He asked me why I didn't call sooner. I told him the truth. I didn't know. I could go on and on about all the stuff he has stolen, including money.

I was being abused at home and the first years at my job were very difficult. I had terrible supervisors at that time. So when they fussed at me, I thought it was true because my husband was constantly calling me names and putting me down.

One night, we had a party here at my house. Alot of nurses came. My husband just disappeared during it. My daughter told me he was going to Wendy's to get the kids burgers. She wanted to go with him, but he said no, thank goodness. He pulled out in front of car and totalled our van. Had to put steel pins in his ankle. He was a terrible person to have to take care of. He was always trying to get me to get the doctor to give him more pain pills. If I was sick, he would steal my pain pills. After about a week or so after the accident and taking care of him, my friend Becky, asked me to come to her house and she'd buy a 6 pack of beer. I asked my husband, and being that Becky was the wife of the bus driver for Restless Heart, he let me go. I left in the afternoon and returned around 8. He was furious. He came after me. Beth remembers when he knocked me down and when he walked by me, I grabbed his crutch and hit him. She tells that story. In the meantime, I had called my friend Becky and when she appeared at the front door, all she saw was my face on the floor because he was behind me holding me back. Police came again that night. They had been to our house quite often during the years. Again, I did not press charges. He terrified me.

In the year of 2002, we added on to our home. Built a swimming pool, rec room, extra bathroom, bedroom and an office. My husband had finally gotten off the road. The following year, everything was completed. He was working for a sound company here in town. His boss was Bob.