Morals

Funny, I am not so sure I know what "morals" are. In a way, it appears to be something which is taught, not known, only taught. You are taught good manners, you are taught to be kind, to do the right thing. Perhaps that is "morals". What happens when those "morals" are rejected. What happens when you say to yourself, it makes no sense. Do "morals" fly out the door? This is coming from being "judged" yet again, for a post I posted, then immediately deleted. Why? Morals.

A couple of nights ago, I posted a pic of myself wearing a "teddy". "Teddy" - not my word, the word someone else used. The morning after that post, and I saw it, I immediately deleted it. Why? To protect another. Does that mean I have no "morals"? Still not sure about this "morals" thing. Anyway, the reason I deleted presented itself today.

Patsy, oh yes, my dear friend, Patsy, called me and said, "uh, have you got a minute to talk, it's personal". I said, "yea", "ok". She said, "what happened to the pic?". Oh my gosh, I thought, because Bill, another friend said he did not see it, I was able to make it disappear before an audience gathered. It was a pic taken by a very, very good friend, who happens to be very young, and very married. When I saw that I had actually posted it, that was ok, posing in a "teddy" (Patsy's words) did not really bother me. What bothered me was that I identified the photographer. He is very married, and very much in love with his wife. We have been friends for about a year now. I met him before he was married. We just seemed to hit it off. He did not judge me. Only allowed me to be me. Our thinking was, ok, he is a professional photographer, he had never taken those kinds of pictures with anyone, so he told me. Actually, I found out that wasn't true. Anyway, our thinking was, ok, we'll do this and we'll go up another level. Something "neither" of us have ever done, yes, a lie. So, why did we do it????

We just did. My friend Patsy, said, "you can't tell me that you were wearing "that" and "nothing happened". Well, actually, something did happen. He was aroused, as any human man would be. I think in all honesty, he wanted to be able to do it and not be "aroused". He couldn't. Therefore, he told me "I don't want to take this kind of photos of women again".

I am a very passionate being. The "pic" of me, in my "teddy", was like, "wow, I am 53 years old and still am very passionate". Passion is full of life, full of love. But I knew I would be judged. I asked Patsy what she thought when she first saw the pic. She replied, "uh, wow, she's a porno star now"! I only laughed, for I knew that wasn't it. So much more. Why do I enjoy giving people something to think about? Passion? Stop with the judgements. Controversy. Yes, I have always enjoyed controversy. Look at yourself. Does that passion live inside of me? Definitely, yes! But that's not who I am. Who am I? A being seeking life, love, enjoyment, and happiness - probably like the majority of the world. I have discovered the world is joy. Celebrate! Even at the lonliest times - love what you love!

The other thing - I fell in love with him a long time ago. KNOWING he loved another. Yet, he also KNEW I loved him and let the relationship continue. Life flows. I trust the universe...totally.

Back to the "morals" thing. I don't think it is taught. I kinda "automatically" know how to treat another human being. One is not mean, not hateful, but a source of love. That is the heart. That is where "joy" arrives from. Manners. If, I have been "disrespectful" of another's being, then please forgive me. I know who I am. I am not perfect, but I do thrive not to hurt another. Not intentionally. Yet, I am "perfect" just as I am. With all my flaws.

Ok, there it is. The "experience" of the "non-experience". Me, in my "teddy".

Yet, it is not "me" at all. Only me having a human experience. Ok, she called me a "chicken". I "dared" to what she called me. I am not a chicken. I love chickens. They provide my body with nutrition. This is only a "pic". It is not me. Yet, a very big portion of me. I am made from the nutrients of the earth. All the elements. Am I plucking? Yes, feathers are falling. I am just a speck of this gigantic universe. Happily so.