17

At 17, I gave birth to my firstborn. Yes, 17. Oh my gosh. What was I doing. I do recall arriving at the hospital, saying, "I changed my mind, I want to go home". All I got for the pain was "laughing gas". Not sure where his father was, yet, I do remember, my sister and her husband "walking the halls" until my son was born. That was, oh my gosh, 35 years ago. I did the best I could with what I knew, which, today, to me, I knew absolutely nothing. Yet, I knew I loved this child. The first time I changed his diapers, he peed on me. That was the experience of a 17 year old mom. There are soooo many stories, and yes, I will tell them, in time. Today, today is the story of a 17 year old, giving birth to a child. Somewhere, in her heart, she knew. She knew she would be the only one responsible. For, that child, came out of her. A father walks away. But, the physical, the mental, the spiritual, yes, is within the mother. She cannot just 'walk away'. I think, it is called loved. There are so many condemnations against love. What exactly is love? It is not wanting to harm another. It is what it is. Humility at its greatest. Fight fire with fire. Yes, when needed. Yet, love excels all. Not religion. Not spiritual. Just being human. The human heart. It beats a fantastic rhythm of its own. I've heard it. I live it. Yes, it is good to be human amongst humanity at its best. I think, the proper word is, "trust".

My child was born while we were living in a trailer park. The year after I graduated it was the "Watergate". Sentator Ervin heading it. I knew his grand-daughter Dolly, she graduated a year after me. What was this world coming to? Lies and more lies and not being able to trust in anything. Rebellion set in. It was hot. I do remember that, living in a trailer park. I left him. After our son was born, in the same abuse which I witnessed, I left. Building my own home, going back to college, building my own home, I left him.

Children. There is many this and that inbetween then and now. The point I most want to make out is...hey, this is then and now. Make the choice to make your life the way you want it. Do not use me as a scapegoat...take control...BLAME does not fix it. Hidden secrets will arise. Hidden egos do atise. Take away the ego. Figure it out. It is not about just YOU. It is about life. Make the choice of life for all to live in equality, not... and yes, I repeat, not punishment, for what your ego did not receive, make a choice to be happy, regardless of what's going on around thee. For, in the end, if the heart is pure, the heart will win. Find love, not for you, but in, how much love you gave, in finding you. Love, I still say, conquers all.