Earth Goddess

18" X 24" Acrylic on Canvas
8-2-2007

I painted this painting from a picture. When I painted her, I was discovering the different goddesses I did not learn of as younger. I was never taught any of the ancient myths. I was raised as a baptist. You sin and you go to hell. To me, as a young person, it was like, "well, guess I will be going to hell, since it appears I can't help but to sin". Then, there came Jesus. I was taught that he died on the cross to save me from my sins. Yet, again, that did not make sense. How one man could die on a cross to "save me" from my sins. Everyone told me I needed to be "baptized" to be saved. Questions, questions, and more questions. It just never made sense to me, even though the majority of my life, I prayed. I prayed to be forgiven for my sins, even though, I never really knew what my "sins" were.

While going through my divorce, I went back to a non-denominational church. There again, it was all about "Jesus". Supposedly Jesus was perfect. He never sinned. Yet, I still did. I still had the human desires. So from there, my studies lead me to learning about Jesus. Suddenly, as I read all that Jesus supposedly said in the bible, it was as if, his verses were dancing. So much more hidden in the meaning. You can be taught to "believe" ... "this is what it means"... and then you can actually "experience the dancing of the scriptures". This is too deep for even me to go into. But, I think, it is more about "controlling" more than anything else. What if there never was sin to begin with? How can "living", experiencing life be a sin? Yea, I know. Very deep.

Dan helped me to realize that God, whoever he/she/it might be is not to be feared. Fear, itself, appears to send you to hell. Sounds more like "control" than anything else. So during my studies, I came upon this beautiful creature known as the earth goddess. She made much more sense to me. To me, she is the womb, the creation, the earth. Even though I painted her from a picture, what totally amazed me was that I actually painted her. I only began painting after Dan came into my life. To me, that was a miracle. Now, it appears that life itself, is the miracle. Being a female, I can totally relate to this "goddess", so much more warming, more pleasing than the "fearful god", much more nourishing. The mind. Such a funny creature. Nothing is inside of me. I am perfect just the way I am.